b_howe

If my brains developed so much from when I was little then why is everything so much more confusing now?

 

It's going to be fun. Im going to be in a rush once I leave here.

WOOOOOOSH

Havent got on here in a while. This thing seems so unfamiliar and weird anyway. This weekend is the fourth of July and I'm literally not doing shit. I didn't get invited to a thing and going to stupid Forrest Fair is going to be really retarded this year. I could go to keg kickball and hate everyone, but that doesn't sound like fun. I'll probably just watch my parents get drunk. That actually does sound like fun. Or go fishing with my dad. That'd be way cooler than anyone else's ideas.

Katie's wedding is in like two weeks. It seems like everyone's getting married. A week after that I go to Portland. I don't really want to tell anyone, but no one gets on this thing anyway... Im applying to the college there and applying to as many jobs as I can, and then getting the fuck out of here. I can't even remember how to make a decent resume. I wish Valley Pathways was up and kicking right now, they're just the place for the kind of help I need.

I'm getting really sick of everyone lately and realizing the only people that I can ever really love are my family, because literally everyone else just sucks.Or maybe its just because I'm such a sensitive person that I try to be as loyal as possible to the people who are in my life and none of them care back at all.  Laurens really the only friend of mine that has been my friend year after year and I think its because shes a pisces too. Just as sensitive as I am. People are fucking retarded. I can't wait to see my brother. I miss him so incredibly much. Hes the only person that I think truly understands me. I wish I was 21 so I could go to the bar with him, but were going to have a shitload of fun anyway.

I want to take you to a gay bar, gay bar
 

Im just now, very determined to start my life off in a new place, with much better, cooler people that I've dealt with in the past.

The Key Question Being: WHAT WAS I THINKING DEALING WITH YOU FUCKING PEOPLE?

I can see why back in the day people thought being sick was a punishment from god.
Because IT REALLY SUCKS. Especially when you're just waiting for it to go away, and it wont.
And you're at work, and that makes it ten times more worse than just being sick laying in bed at home.
I finally gave in to twilight. Damnit.
I shouldn't of.

I really just want to go home.
I feel like complete shit.
Spring is just a tease for summer. It doesn't even count as anything pleasent but the smell of dog shit unthawing.
 

Does everybody like the phrase "over dramatic"
Because it really should have been used today at work.
The only level 2 that was here, John, was being a huge dick hole.
I know he had a lot to do. But everyone else kind of did too, and they weren't taking it out on other people.
One of my pet peeves about live journal, is that when you spell something wrong, you can't write click to correct it
One thing that makes it even worse that I'm working right now, is that it's beautifully sunny out.
And I am stuck sitting in here, doing this.
It's not that I hate my job, it's that I need some vitamin D in my system or I think I'm going to explode.
And I'm sure that everyone else living in this dreadfully dark state, is feeling about the same lately.
I got my hair dye in the mail yesterday. There were so many colors.
Iguana Green. Fish Bowl. Electric Blue. Wild Flower. Atomic Pink. Nuclear Red. Blood Red. And Napalm Orange.
Sooo anyway. Tattoo, might....finally be finished tomorrow. Except for I've kind of got a feeling for how she does things now, and I think shes going to make me come back one last time to do some touch-ups.
One hour, three minutes remaining.
I'm never going to make it out of here alive.

My days off have been ok. I'm really pissed that it snowed again. And my weather report on my computer says it's going to snow again tomorrow as well.

Dillon and I made a really sweet fort. (you know, like the forts you made with blankets and things when you were little) That was cool.
It still is cool. I imagine it'll be a hit for quite a while actually.

I went to go get my tattoo finished yesterday but Cindy wanted to wait until my first fish was less irritated. Oh well, taking time on things that last forever is a good thing.

I really don't want to go to school tomorrow, but I guess I can spare an hour or so of my morning for some education.

I feel like I have no contact with the people I would like to. All my old good friends have suddenly disappeared.

Ah well. People move on. Change with the wind....or something.

Well I must get going, going to go check out Bishops attic.

Toot-a-loo
 

Asside from that...things are going pretty well...
my throat is a little itchy. and sore. That sucks.
I really need to get my dad a birthday present....herm.
my tattoo is getting finished on Sunday, that should be good.
I need to fill in more gym hours, I should probably start working out to that yoga tape...
I really miss hanging out with the outside world. 
Silly of me really, because once I start hanging out with them I realize how much I hate most of them.
I miss having a ...girl ..best friend. Those were always cool.
i wonder when this ash is going to start falling....
maybe if I'm lucky it will be so bad I won't have to go to work tomorrow.
wishful thinking.
I need to hit up fred meyers, or maybe wal*mart after work. Or maybe both.
Groceries.
Erands.
Life is really dragging it's way along lately.
 

sometimes I feel like I need to move away to a new place.
Like I just need a clean piece of paper to start over again, and write a new story.
 

Things that are bothering me:
shady people who I used to kind of sort of be friends with and don't want anything to do with anymore, that keep showing up in my life, no matter how hard I try to avoid them.

Favoritism in the workplace.

Money ruling the world

People thinking they're better than everyone else when in reality they are pieces of fucking shit.

 Every time I'm away from you I feel like I have something to say to you. But I never know what it is. I can think about it for hours. I call you and think that maybe when you pick up, the words will jump to the top of my head. You never answer, because you're usually sleeping. I was suppose to help you put together a puzzle, but then you broke my bead, and I was upset with you, so I just fell asleep. I don't know what I dreamt about. Usually when I dream about something, and I wake up remembering it, I want to tell someone about it. But the only time I get to do that is when I'm with you.I know you don't listen. But that's ok. As long as I feel like someones listening. I'm ok.
Lately I feel like my life has been really cluttered. Like I need and want to get all of these other things done but it just never seems like I have the time to do it. I don't get why I have this really intense character trait of just forgetting to do things and blowing them off, knowing in the back of my mind that they're there, but never getting to them. I'm just so lazy, and I have really hated that about myself lately. I never did before. Maybe that means I'm growing up. God I hope not. Everything seems so scrambled and disoriented. Stressful and plain. Ive been just feeling so ...different lately.

    My back and left side of my butt cheek are sore.My tattoo has really been itching lately, so I've been slapping it a lot. I miss Dillon. I need to sew this one shirt. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow...but I have to be at work at friggen 10 a.m. killer. I can't wait to go see my brother. It's going to be so....mmm whats the word. Normal. What I would have normally been doing if the world hadn't suddenly began to change everything. Move everyone around. Change people's ages. And personalities. And locations.
    What do we do now? Why can't everyone just be good people. Why can't the shitty people just leave? It seems like they're just always around. Yuck. They need to get the fuck out of here. Fuckers. And the funny thing is no one knows what I'm talking about. And they never will know. Because no one knows how shitty the shitty people really are. People really should have to take some kind of class on what reality is. Some will never really know. Just look passed it their whole lives. Oh yeah and you shitty people, have no clue what the word even means.

I hate the entire human race.kind of.
just the shitty people. haha, you all deserve to be fed dirt.
fuck you very much.

a part of my soul dies every time i think of you horrible species.
 

My mom let me use her frequent flyer miles. I'm going to see Jason in JULY!!!!

:D

Sooo my birthday was, drunk. Having a good time, snapping pictures, good besides the faggot ass whore showing up, knowing she was only doing it because shes stuck up, and thinks shes better than everyone else. So she had to act like it was not MY birthday party. I would have been ok with it, if she wasn't being such a high maintnenced, stuck up bitch the whole time. Really, I have nothing against her if she wouldn't act like that ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Stay out of my life, if you're going to act like you're better than me.

ASSIDE from all that bullshit. I did have fun, even more so after she left. And talking to my brother that night and him making fun of her did make me laugh a lot. The next day I pretty much did nothing.

Sunday Dillon and I went to anchorage. I shopped. We ate. Went to see Coraline in 3D, it was fucking awesome.


Tomorrow: get tattoo. ( As of right now I'm having some trouble sleeping.)
 

I don't know where the rest of the week's plans are headed. I miss lauren, i should try to hang out with her. Maybe see what Madi is doing. Call sarah probably. (all of these people probably think I'm crazy because I don't really hang out with them, but they're like the only friends i have besides Dillon)


This is where I should probably be off to bed..

So I was doing good with the whole not ordering things thing...until I decided that I wanted to get myself some things for my birthday. After I get my tattoo, I'm going to be so fucking broke. I finished francheska's stupid project finally. I know I'm not going to get a good grade on it, but whatever. Umm today I didn't go to school. Well sort of. I went but then I left, and on the way home I passed my dad....(uh oh) Yeeah. So I'm really angry about having to wait for the rest of this week. I know my birthday isn't going to be that exciting, but Im just really...ready to get my tattoo and all of that. I don't feel like waiting anymore. Especially when I probably have to go to school and work for the rest of the days I have to wait too. I really hate going to school. So much.
So, I hope my tattoo looks good. And colorful. That would be good. I hope that work is a breeze today. PROBABLY NOT.
I hope I'm not in trouble for leaving school.
 

so I was just thinking about how cool it is that there are these groups of friends...and these groups of friends have their siblings in that group of friends....you know what I mean?

Like I'm friends with Lauren but we hang out with her sister too.

And I'm friends with Madi but we hang out with Charlie too.

 And my brother is my brother, but were like friends...

There are probably more families involved. Those are just the ones off the top of my head.

But it's cool that people can hang out, and their siblings are cool enough that they hang out too.